Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize