he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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