I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can't turn off my feet"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
