You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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