the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
