She is in my trunk
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
