I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
