I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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