Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
