My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
