it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
