I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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