Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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