Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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