I looked at my own cervix.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
