im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
