who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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