Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize