i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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