Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
