Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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