Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
