I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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