Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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