you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
