So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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