I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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