he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
