I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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