I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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