i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
