she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
