he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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