she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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