It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
