This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
