I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
high people should be assigned attendants
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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