Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize