i jhust puked up my retainher.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
