He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
