You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
