I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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