Screwed.edu
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
