absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he shaved USA in his pubs
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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