Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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