I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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