he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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