We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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