Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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