i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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