Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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