it was like his penis was on wheels.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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