Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
