I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
