I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
