In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize