Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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