somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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