I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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