Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
