I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
