I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
