I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
