im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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