i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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