sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
