shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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