I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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