Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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