I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
