I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
where does the pee come out of this thing
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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