Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
