sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
