Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
