I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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